Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
