After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My feet surprised me
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