The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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