worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
