well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
