my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
