My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
