Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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