if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
