Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
