They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
