Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
