I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
