can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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