Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
