Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
