I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So many bounce houses so little time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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