Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
