are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
