So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
