Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He better not be in your backpack
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
