If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
