The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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