Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
