next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
