Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize