Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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