I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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