All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
