i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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