At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
