Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
