apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
