i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
