Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
