Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
People in love make me want to vomit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
