i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
