I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
