it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
