Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
