I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
