It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
