You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My sheets look like a crime scene.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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