1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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