so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
