I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When are your genitals available?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
