I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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