I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
