ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
