I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
