I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
