Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
