why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
