she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
